Headed out to the beach today.

So I'm sitting on the beach of the park down the street; I find a hermit crab underwater, so I commence fucking with it to see what it'll do... Pretty cool little guy, he starts moving if you don't touch him.

So while I'm doing that, I started fucking with the sand... Made a little tower in the sand for no reason while tanning my back from the sun. Then I remembered what I did with Steve and Jordan a year or two ago... We were over on one of the beaches on the Gulf coast of Florida for Steve's birthday, and we're killing time and riding waves and shit... So, we're getting ready to head back, like the last hour we wanted to stay, and Jordan's sitting in the sand, buried in it, and he's got his waist sticking up in the air out of the sand... Not prominent, but just not covered with sand. Eventually, he started making a pair of "sand balls" on his waist, then put a HUGE column of sand to represent his ween0r lol...

So these girls keep walking past him, and he keeps shouting "ELEPHANTITIS! HEY, I'VE GOT ELEPHANTITIS OVER HERE"

Not to mention... The girls kept watching him too. He was shouting that for about a half-hour to any girl who walked past, except the ones he referred to as "rat bastards" LOL

I had the strangest dream...

I had died in the dream. I was in darkness for a long time then woke up in this dimly lit room, with people sitting on top of these raised blocks that led into a hole on either side... One hole would be bright, with flames and screams emanated from it, and the other would have dim blue flames, with sullen moans coming from it.

I sat there watching this, and wondered why I wasn't on one of the blocks... But apparently, I was, and it only led to a bright area... I got off, and walked over to a person who was ushering people into Hell or Purgatory. Whenever someone was pushed in, a flashback entered my mind and I could see what they had done in their lives... Whether being a warmonger, or a murderer, or anything of the sort... I would see it flash before my eyes when they were cast into Hell or into Purgatory.

I asked the man what was happening, and he calmly explained that he was appointed to pushing these wicked people into the fires of Hell, or into the "waiting room" of Purgatory, where people could repent for what they've done in their lives and be allowed into Heaven. I saw a card attached to the stone, so I picked it up... He asked me if I knew what I was getting into by picking up the card, and I answered that I didn't. He said that it would be to allow me to see the actions of what evil does in the world... So, after thinking it over for a long time, I agreed to see. The card made my vision blur, and I was watching a platoon of soldiers gathered around a fallen comrade. He was being held up by his fellow soldiers, and had a gaping wound from a bullet in his abdomen. People kept saying that it would be alright, that he'd get home, and he kept trying to believe them... He grabbed a tissue from his pocket and tried putting it over his wound, but before he could do that, his eyes went wide and his pupils did the same... Then he died, and I saw him appear on the previous block that I was sitting on. I was crying because of what I saw, and felt immense pain from seeing this man die because of what happened to him. He ascended into Heaven and I saw nothing of him again... At least the ends in this case did justify the means, I suppose... However harsh that may sound.

I woke up shortly after this happened... I really don't know what it means, but it was a shocking dream anyhow.

Today is just one of those days where everything seems to go wrong... Tried playing Renegade for a while, and boy, does my fucking aim suck. I could barely hit anything, and I kept getting killed.

I don't know why that happened... Perhaps it's because I passed out at 12 PM and woke up with fucked up dreams around 12 AM. I've got a headache now, thank God for aspirin though. Hopefully it'll go away soon.

I wonder how the rest of the day will go... Kinda cool to look out my window and see honeybees gathering nectar from the trees outside. Maybe I'll go take a swim in the ocean, I haven't done that for months...

Wow... Just wow. I found a stunning trance track on TranceAddict just the other day... I can't stop listening to it. The song has so much emotion and energy in it that it's actually lifting my mood up for a change... I don't feel empty anymore -- and damn that feels good.

I suggest you look in the singles section for a song called Basic Dawn - Pure Thrust (Nu-Nrg Remix). It'll blow your mind if you're into trance.

Nothing, just nothing at all... Fly away, all of it, into the expanse... Never return, never sense, never feel, never see.

Always there, nothing there, shattered memories and lost friends.

World spinning, melting into nothing...

Nothing at all.

If you want to understand how I feel, that's a good way to describe it.

I suppose the feeling I'd be experiencing today would be "tired" or "disconnected." Listening to people fight and try to rule one another's life isn't helping my mood lately.

Listening to Orbital - Blue Illusion

Grey skies outside this morning. I suppose the skies could tell you a lot more about my emotions at this point in time than anything else could. Ever stare at the overcast sky, and see nothing in it? Just nothing but neutral grey? If you could see inside me... That's all you would see. I don't know why I feel this way, I just do. I wonder, if I, being empty, could stare at the sky itself, being empty... Would I cease to feel this way, or would it continue on? Perhaps I'll just stare at the sky until I fall asleep...

I suppose I could take a page from Forrest Gump and just tell you "Well, that's all I have to say about that..."

Goddamnit, I woke up too late today again. At least I figured out why my alarm clock wasn't operating properly... Now I can get up at a decent hour for once.

At least I woke up at the right time for it to be raining, though - second I look out the window, it's a nice drizzle outside. Perfect change of pace from boring sunny days, every day. Been raining for about an hour, maybe more, but at least the damned ground is getting soaked because of it. When I have to do yardwork, the Florida sand is extremely dry without rain, and mowing the yard becomes an impossibility because I start choking on the sand clouds flying in the air. Even raking the yard is a difficult task because each stroke of the rake tosses up sand into the air, making it difficult to breathe and see.

I don't have allergies, it's just that sand doesn't do well for breathing. It tends to be abrasive (Hence why it's used in sandpaper, obviously, and sand blasters) and can hurt the lungs and esophagus as it goes down... Glad I don't have to bother with dry sand for a long time, though - not with the amount of rain we're getting.

Not much to say lately, again... Had a chance to head over to a party yesterday; except I hate going to parties with a bunch of people I've never met. If I had a few friends there that I knew, yeah, I'd go - but they aren't here. Oh well, I didn't miss out on much; from what I heard.

Sprint's local backbone here in Valpariso went dead last night... I figured it was some newbey trying to DoS (Denial of Service) attack me again, so I called up the local support number - apparently, it redirects to the Valpariso Police Station not even two blocks away after 10 PM... Sort of a shock to expect to hear "Valpariso Cable Service" and hear "Valpariso Police, how may I help you?" instead...