I spent all night dreaming of Lynne... I cried myself to sleep before then. I knew I'd see her again, even if it was just a dream.

I love her so much... I wish she was back with me, in my arms, where I could protect her from harm and keep her happy again.

I was told she died happy... That she always wrote about me, that she had never been happier before in her life... That I made the difference. She died happy... Right? Is that what matters? Her suffering is over, and she got what she wanted in life, even if we couldn't meet one another?

This is more than unreal. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel natural... As if it wasn't meant to happen.

I feel that this isn't the end of her, and that she is nearby, wherever she is right now.

"Don't say it's over, because I just can't say goodbye..."

I love you, Lynne...please come back to me...

Lynne died today.

She's gone again. I heard from her sister that the surgery she had for her cancer failed due to internal bleeding. She won't be coming back.

I love you Lynne. I love you more than anything... I wish it didn't have to end this way.

If there was a way to bring you back, I'd do it in a heartbeat... but I guess that's not an option.

Might as well get used to being alone again... guess I'll see what the future holds.

Well, here I am. :)

Listening to: Def Leppard - Long, Long Way To Go

I've had a long, boring, irritating day. All better now. It's amazing how a simple compliment can change things. As you can tell, I'm much better now. Woke up quite sick this morning. I'm not sure what it is.. But it's difficult to breathe. I'm hoping it's just a common cold. I'm having the worst of luck today. I guess I just need rest... Anyhow, you get the gist of it.

"You held my hand and then you slipped away
And I may never see your face again
So tell me how do to fill the emptiness inside
Without love, what is life?

And anyone who knew us both can see
We always were the better part of me
I never wanted to be this free
All this pain, does it go away?

Then every time I turn around
And you're nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
To you, to you"

Been thinking about that a lot lately... What if he does slip away? Things have been going great lately.. Unusually great. Maybe it's just me, being the pessimist that I am. Good things don't usually happen to me... And when they do, I get scared. Maybe I just worry too much...

There is one thing I hate more than most things... The actions of certain inDUHviduals who say they're a friend one day... Then the next, they act like total assholes.

I don't get what's so hard about being faithful to people you supposedly care(d) for. Perhaps you're upset. Granted, we all get upset.

But guess what - I DON'T WANT TO BE UPSET JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE.