I faintly remember a dream I had last night...

Freezing cold outside, only a few hours of sleep, work to do all day in Seagrove... Can't honestly say I'm looking forward to this one.

It's raining outside. I guess a cold front is coming in. I love the weather right now... I wish it would keep raining all night long, but it stopped for now.

Maybe it will come back later.

Might as well listen to something while I pass the days. Krystle had given me this song called "Silver Milennium," from the Sailor Moon series... It's relaxing, to say the least. I wish it would help ease the pain I feel as of late. I wish anything would.

It doesn't seem to just go away... It lingers, stays in my chest, and spreads across my body, causing me nothing but grief. What surprises me is that I'm not worse off than I am right now. The last time I lost someone I cared about, because they broke up with me, I was depressed for a long time. I'm not depressed now because Lynne died. I'm just upset and in pain, and I wish it would stop.

Funny thing is how I just write that, and the most emotional part of that song plays.

I'm not so certain that I'll live much longer, on another note. I found a lump on my rear, which bleeds and creates horrible scabs. It has some kind of "core" in it that keeps coming back. I've had it for months now. People say I've been getting more irritable lately, maybe this is the cause. It doesn't really hurt as much as it should, but it's annoying. I'm starting to think it's some form of skin cancer.

I've tried everything to remove it, just to see if it was a pimple or something that popped up from nowhere. It doesn't seem to be one. I'd go to the hospital, but I don't have the money to pay for the tests required to evaulate what it is and what threat it may pose to me.

Seems like an academic point. If this is really cancer, and I fight this, I live on and do whatever it is that I need to do in life. If I don't make it, I'm with Lynne again, and I'm over whatever pain I'm going through. But; with my luck, I'd end up in Hell for an eternity and never see her again.

The US Air Force is bombing on Range Road again.

Its distant rumble reminds me of how easy it was to lose who I loved, because of how fragile we are.

I remember this dream I had a while back. It was different, by far, but felt real and natural to me.

I recall being on my old street... Up the road, off Cyclops Drive... There was a house there that was always run down. I was in it, and was threatened by some humanoid creatures - I lifted up my hand and electricity sparked between my fingers continually... Like a lightning storm at night, hundreds of sparks zipping from finger to finger.

Apparently, they backed down in sight of it... It was casting a bluish light around me and I felt immensely powerful.

What doesn't surprise me is that I feel that same feeling in real life... The only thing missing is that I don't generate electricity in that manner, beyond powering basic body functions.

I wonder if I'll have the same dream tonight.

I wonder sometimes.

What's better? A life with someone you love, or being watched over, protected, and loved from a distance by the one you care for; in heaven above?

I find it difficult to understand what I want. At first, I cherish the thought that Lynne cares so much to let me feel her presence on a daily basis, and comfort me when I'm upset.

Then I find it saddening that I might wait my entire life for someone I may never see again... So I reach out to someone else, and it doesn't work out, and they go to someone else...

Funny thing... Reading all of their "I love you" comments, directed at one another, I forgot I had left my window open earlier... Wind started flowing into my room, a cold wind from the front that just passed through, but the only wind that's been flowing at all since it stopped raining heavily a while ago.

I think Lynne is trying to tell me something... I already know what it is.

"I love you..."

I love her too, probably more than she'll ever know, unless God bestowed eternal knowledge unto her.