I have to smile lately... Everything keeps reminding me of Lynne. Somehow I can feel her presence around me all the time now, and I'm happy. She never did make a promise she couldn't keep...

Melissa sent me a list of good byes that Lynne had wrote before she died... I was at the top of the list, with this to be said:
Aircraftkiller (Jonathan):

If you're seeing this, it means I'm probably gone already... I had to write something. I didn't want to just go off without saying anything. I miss you... I wish I could be there with you right now, but I guess that's never going to happen. :( Maybe someday we'll be together again. Please don't forget me... Think of me when it rains... I love you Jonathan, and I will always love you. I don't know if you believe in that whole "guardian angel" thing... but I do. Well, you have one now. :P I will be watching over you. :)

"(Aircraftkiller) What would you do if I said that I loved you?"

I still remember that. :P :)

"Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank god that I'm alive
There are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waiting for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more"

That song describes it perfectly... I thought that was how it was going to be... Maybe someday... In another lifetime... Maybe someday when you join me...

*hugs you*

Love always,
-Lynne

I just look up and smile... I know she's looking right back at me. I'll be up there soon enough... It just isn't my time to go, yet.

I'm worried about Melissa lately... Lynne's death is apparently very hard on her. I can't profess to understand what she's going through, but I know that in order to keep her memory alive, you've got to stand strong to yourself and what you believe and move on.

That isn't to say "move on" as in "forget her." Instead, I'm saying that to encourage her to keep going forward in life, to understand that being depressed and extremely upset over your loved one's loss is going to only hurt you in the end, and that is something that she would never want for you.

It hurts, that I know... Even though I feel better, "there's times that I'm not feeling so strong."

Keep your hopes up, Melissa - you'll see Lynne again. Don't think of her death as the end... Just as a new beginning.

On another note... In order to keep Lynne's memory alive, I'm keeping her image in all of the forums I visit as my signature now. That image is beautiful and means a lot to me... It's still a foreign concept to me that someone loved me until their death and beyond while I'm still used to people not caring at all.

Thank you, Lynne... I know you can read this.

I decided to add Melissa's blog link to my links list, too... Right below Lynne's link, which will forever stay at top.

I'm starting to feel better lately... I think I'm finally coming to terms with Lynne's death.

After talking to Krystle (A long time friend, one of my best, if not *the* best friend I have...) for a while every day, I'm understanding some things I couldn't see before.

She says that Lynne probably wouldn't have made it this far without me to depend on. I guess that may be true... I recently noticed some things by looking through her blog. First thing was that she was always upset... Then I came into her life full force and she was happy again. That's why she tried fighting to live, and that's how she died, being happy because she loves me.

You know... It reminds me of something. I decided to keep this image that she wrote about me.

The first two sentences are in Elvish, her name, and something else that I forgot... I'll find out what it means again.

The second part is about us... And I think it's fitting that she died living what she believed.

Goodbye, my love - you'll always be in my heart and you'll always be with me, no matter where you go. One day we'll be together again.